So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Randomize
