they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
