i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
