Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
