Already got asked if we're dating
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
