apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
