Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
