hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
