so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize