he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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