I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
