ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
