Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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