Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
