This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
