He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
