Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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