if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
