i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
her vagine was all disorganized.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
