When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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