Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I bet he comes in French.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
