then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
