I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
