is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
