i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Are my feet made of real feet?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
