She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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