he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
