I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
