I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Randomize
