marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
