Yo dont text me then not text me
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
