I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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