No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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