i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
