the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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