I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
