Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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