I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
