I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
