How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
