sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
