I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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