great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
