OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
