May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
