Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
