this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Life is so much better after having sex.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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