i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
