then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
