He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
