i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
