Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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