So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
