i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
they're like a gay fantastic four
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
