It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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