i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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