For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
